You are right that there were widely differing social standards in regards to men and women at the time. Men were widely afforded a permissive attitude in regards to sex. That doesn't mean, however, that there were no people who took a conservative view towards sexual morality for both sexes. My understanding is that the middle class were usually the most conservative ones, and had a real disdain for the upper classes, who had no problem with fornication and adultery. Among the truly rich and important a woman was expected to remain a virgin until marriage, and then to remain faithful until she had given birth to an heir (all of this being to ensure that said heir had the proper father), and then could pretty much do as she chose, as long as she didn't flaunt it.
Jane Austen, however, was much more middle class that than, and she also lived in the country, which was more conservative than the city. You can see the clash of these values, for instance, in Mansfield Park, where the Crawfords are eschewed in a large part because of their permissive attitudes towards sexuality. I totally agree with Carol's assessment on Elizabeth's statement around the piano. Although I have heard people argue that by saying Darcy had "lived in the world" she was saying he would be sexually experienced, this makes no sense within the context. Not only is it shocking to think that Lizzy would refer to such a thing, aloud, to Colonel Fitzwilliam, in Darcy's presence, but the conversation they're having is about Darcy's ability to converse with strangers. What in the world does that have to do with sex?
Really, I think this is an issue where people come down on the side of their personal beliefs. Because we all believe that Darcy is honorable and admirable, we determine his behavior by what we think is compatible with that. If you're like me, and you believe that sex before marriage is morally wrong, and you have lived your life around men who (because they aren't married) are celibate by choice, then the idea that Darcy would be rolling in the hay with prostitutes or pretty widows is repugnant. To me, also, the more relevant passage, the only one that seems to hint at Austen's views of this matter is the one which says that Elizabeth had never seen anything in Darcy's behavior that spoke of "immoral or irreligious habits." I think that for Jane Austen, the virginal country daughter of a clergyman, who was religious and whose writings are, among other things, very moralistic, engaging in casual sexual relationships would be considered a "immoral and irreligious" habit.
There are also other things to consider--Darcy's deeply private nature, and his fastidiousness, along with the superabundance of STDs in London at the time; his hatred of Wickham's "vicious habits" (although we have no indication in the book that he's a rapist); his assertion that he has always tried to avoid weaknesses which expose a man to ridicule. Even if you were to take a less stringent view of sexual morality, there just wasn't any real equivalent back then to the modern dating "consensual relationship." Who were Darcy's choices? I think we can all scratch out servants, tenants, virgins and members of the lower classes from the list. He is not a seducer of innocents, or one who's going to use his wealth and power to advantage over a woman who's in a subservient position to him. That pretty much leaves prostitutes and women of his own class. Prostitution was as brutal an industry back then as it is now, and I see him as much more likely to contribute to charities dedicating to rescuing women from that life than contributing to it--plus there's the aforementioned STDs and fastidiousness. Among women of his own class, he's once again not going to seduce virgins, and he won't sleep with other men's wives, and so we get back to the merry widow. This could certainly be viewed as the lesser evil, but I think it's still an evil. Not only would we be capitalizing on a stereotype of the times--that widows must be licentious because they're sexually experienced--but he would still be laying himself open to all kinds of problems, including scandals, illegitimate children, demands for marriage, etc.
Of course, there are others who see it differently. For them, the sex itself is not an issue, and they think it too unrealistic to suppose that any healthy male with the means to obtain sexual gratification would not chose to do so. Personally, I think there are far more unrealistic things about Darcy than that, but again, people's opinions are largely going to be a reflection on what they view as the "ideal man."
Jane Austen, however, was much more middle class that than, and she also lived in the country, which was more conservative than the city. You can see the clash of these values, for instance, in Mansfield Park, where the Crawfords are eschewed in a large part because of their permissive attitudes towards sexuality. I totally agree with Carol's assessment on Elizabeth's statement around the piano. Although I have heard people argue that by saying Darcy had "lived in the world" she was saying he would be sexually experienced, this makes no sense within the context. Not only is it shocking to think that Lizzy would refer to such a thing, aloud, to Colonel Fitzwilliam, in Darcy's presence, but the conversation they're having is about Darcy's ability to converse with strangers. What in the world does that have to do with sex?
Really, I think this is an issue where people come down on the side of their personal beliefs. Because we all believe that Darcy is honorable and admirable, we determine his behavior by what we think is compatible with that. If you're like me, and you believe that sex before marriage is morally wrong, and you have lived your life around men who (because they aren't married) are celibate by choice, then the idea that Darcy would be rolling in the hay with prostitutes or pretty widows is repugnant. To me, also, the more relevant passage, the only one that seems to hint at Austen's views of this matter is the one which says that Elizabeth had never seen anything in Darcy's behavior that spoke of "immoral or irreligious habits." I think that for Jane Austen, the virginal country daughter of a clergyman, who was religious and whose writings are, among other things, very moralistic, engaging in casual sexual relationships would be considered a "immoral and irreligious" habit.
There are also other things to consider--Darcy's deeply private nature, and his fastidiousness, along with the superabundance of STDs in London at the time; his hatred of Wickham's "vicious habits" (although we have no indication in the book that he's a rapist); his assertion that he has always tried to avoid weaknesses which expose a man to ridicule. Even if you were to take a less stringent view of sexual morality, there just wasn't any real equivalent back then to the modern dating "consensual relationship." Who were Darcy's choices? I think we can all scratch out servants, tenants, virgins and members of the lower classes from the list. He is not a seducer of innocents, or one who's going to use his wealth and power to advantage over a woman who's in a subservient position to him. That pretty much leaves prostitutes and women of his own class. Prostitution was as brutal an industry back then as it is now, and I see him as much more likely to contribute to charities dedicating to rescuing women from that life than contributing to it--plus there's the aforementioned STDs and fastidiousness. Among women of his own class, he's once again not going to seduce virgins, and he won't sleep with other men's wives, and so we get back to the merry widow. This could certainly be viewed as the lesser evil, but I think it's still an evil. Not only would we be capitalizing on a stereotype of the times--that widows must be licentious because they're sexually experienced--but he would still be laying himself open to all kinds of problems, including scandals, illegitimate children, demands for marriage, etc.
Of course, there are others who see it differently. For them, the sex itself is not an issue, and they think it too unrealistic to suppose that any healthy male with the means to obtain sexual gratification would not chose to do so. Personally, I think there are far more unrealistic things about Darcy than that, but again, people's opinions are largely going to be a reflection on what they view as the "ideal man."