Dear Jaimy,
Your images are strong, but, as you are aware, your command of the language is not as strong as your imagination. There is nothing wrong with your writing, per se, but at certain points you fall into mild clichés, your phrasing is sometimes clearly not that of a native speaker, and, for example, the nuance of the emotions between father and son, so hard to capture for anyone, is that much harder for you to express with the subtlety of thought I feel behind your words.
You have the vision, and that, I believe, is the key. Practice will bring the rest. Read, all you can. Read both the good and the bad, but remember there is more to be learned by seeing how not to write, than by seeing how a master has shaped his or her vision. The masters seduce us to imitation, as we all here know too well; our own voices will never match that of the masters, but striving to be different than the bad writer will never lead you wrong.
I could offer particulars, but I am confident that there are as many opinions in the Tea Room on what is right or wrong in your piece as there are people who read them. Rather, I would recommend that your join the others here who have fearlessly pushed their fledglings out of the nest; one day they must surely fly.
My best wishes,
Stan
Your images are strong, but, as you are aware, your command of the language is not as strong as your imagination. There is nothing wrong with your writing, per se, but at certain points you fall into mild clichés, your phrasing is sometimes clearly not that of a native speaker, and, for example, the nuance of the emotions between father and son, so hard to capture for anyone, is that much harder for you to express with the subtlety of thought I feel behind your words.
You have the vision, and that, I believe, is the key. Practice will bring the rest. Read, all you can. Read both the good and the bad, but remember there is more to be learned by seeing how not to write, than by seeing how a master has shaped his or her vision. The masters seduce us to imitation, as we all here know too well; our own voices will never match that of the masters, but striving to be different than the bad writer will never lead you wrong.
I could offer particulars, but I am confident that there are as many opinions in the Tea Room on what is right or wrong in your piece as there are people who read them. Rather, I would recommend that your join the others here who have fearlessly pushed their fledglings out of the nest; one day they must surely fly.
My best wishes,
Stan